Perhaps you can relate to trying to establish a boundary and then it gets crossed, which puts you in a position of needing to respond. As a reformed "Nice Guy" I believe I have more examples of this than I can even remember. I would put the value of preserving the relationship before my values and needs. The result would be an inability to respond appropriately when my boundaries were crossed. It also meant that I wasn't even certain of what my boundaries actually were.
Have you ever had that moment where you stop and ask yourself, "Why is this happening to me"? For me, this moment of pause would occur when I noticed that what was happening in my life had happened before, but with different characters. Why do we tolerate people, situations and things that cause us to struggle and contribute to our anxiety and stress?
I was recently reflecting on why I am a big proponent for taking small steps towards goals. When I reflect on my own life experience as well as what I witness with my clients. What I notice for myself is that as a sensitive empathic soul, I can easily get overwhelmed when looking at the big picture. While this has its benefits it can also make it challenging to step into action.
The struggle to speak our truth and share our voice in relationships is very real. When I reflect back on my early years in relationship I simply felt I could not say anything. The main reason would be that for much of my younger years I witnessed and felt just how deeply words can hurt someone. This experience created a deep fear around speaking my truth and hurting someone with my words. As we often do with our shadows, I went to the extreme opposite and suppressed my voice. When I did share my voice, I would usually share with anger just like I had witnessed.
Conscious communication is about awakening awareness of our impact on others and our relationships. The key is to become aware of ourselves and have a slow solid look in the mirror. The list below is intended to show the variety of ways that we can deepen our connection with ourselves and allow our unique voice to surface. When we truly know ourselves and love ourselves the voice begins to emerge quite naturally.
I have recently had several conversations with folks who are really not enjoying aspects of their lives. Most of the time it revolves around lack of joy in the workplace and not being treated fairly. On a deeper level, there is a gentle voice with a vision for something different, the voice of your soul calling you towards a different life. The lack of joy in the workplace is merely the symptom of a spiritual calling.
I recently went to see the Chiropractor and amongst other things she noticed that I was very blocked in my upper back and shoulders. As I physically released all the energy stored there, I was drawn to have a look at this as a metaphor for how I support others (on my shoulders). I like to think that I have developed boundaries over the years in terms of what I do for others. What I noticed however, is that I continue to hold energy for others in small ways. I worked as a Manager in foodservice for over 27 years. I excelled by putting others first and in the process I struggled to get my own needs met.
The definition of intuition that I use the most is; “The knowing of something, without prior knowledge or experience”. If I go to Wikipedia I find this definition; “Intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge without proof, evidence, or conscious reasoning, or without understanding how the knowledge was acquired”. One of my teachers added this tidbit; “Your intuition is always right, its your interpretation that may be off”.
One of the cornerstones of the coaching model in which I studied, (The Coaches Training Institute) is that “People are Naturally Creative Resourceful and Whole." In a nutshell this means; we are not broken, we don’t need fixing, all that we need is within us and we have the ability to overcome our circumstances. I love this cornerstone and when I’m coaching clients I am always tethered to this truth. For some strange reason, in everyday life it is much more challenging to remember.
I had an interesting experience / awareness the other day. In recent months I have been getting clearer about some key questions surrounding my coaching practice. A lot of this awareness revolves around marketing and branding and message. In regards to sharing my message I have been experiencing some significant internal resistance, even though I am very excited about supporting clients and sharing. In discussing this situation with my pair bonded partner (this is a cool way to say girlfriend) she helped me to uncover an unconscious belief I had around marketing. I was a little surprised and at the same time relieved to bring this belief into the light.