A Story About My Emotional Authority
Each Type in Human Design is also connected to what is referred to as an “Authority”. Authority is the way you are uniquely designed to make decisions. There are a total of 7 different authorities in Human Design. Today I want to focus on my authority, which is referred to as Emotional Authority. As the name implies this way of making decisions involves emotions. More specifically, I have what is referred to as an emotional wave and there are 4 different types of waves. In my case I have 2 of the 4 waves. Have I lost you yet? Approximately, 47% of the population has emotional authority. This is an important fact which relates to my story. Another fact about me that is important to know, is that I have always had this underlying feeling that I didn’t fit in here and by here, I mean this planet.
I have always struggled with the systems in our culture and felt emotionally overwhelmed and unseen in them. Some examples would be school, the medical system, dentists, and work environments to name a few. I never felt emotionally seen in those systems which contributed to me feeling like an outsider. All of this helped to anchor a core belief that related to feeling like I have done something wrong and of course not being good enough. Another important piece of information that I want to share, is that I have been on this journey of personal growth for over 20 yrs. I am always self reflecting and bringing awareness to my life experiences. While I have transformed many of my beliefs and wounds it never ceases to amaze me the deep fragments that show up from time to time. An old wound surfaced in this story.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself". - Thich Nhat Hanh
Now for my story. 2 weeks ago in the middle of the night a neighbour had a drug induced psychosis and did a river dance on the top of my car (actual image included). This caused about $7000 in damage and in the end they wrote off my car. As I write this I’m happy to share that I got a new to me car and I’m very very grateful for the upgrade and the peace of mind that will come with this car. However, the last 2 weeks reminded me of how hard it is for me to relate to all the systems that I had to engage to get the new car. I need to ask a lot of questions to understand processes / systems and because of my emotions I sometimes can’t hear / understand the information the first time. As I dealt with the insurance companies, I often had to call back a couple of times to clarify information and ask more questions. Luckily, my insurance company was great and their service was outstanding. Eventually, I got to the point of being ready to go and look for a new car. I knew that weekends would be the only time that I could look for a car and did some research online. I decided on a dealership and some cars that I liked and made an appointment for some test drives. Yay!. I wasn’t prepared for what happened during this experience. I test drove 3 cars at one dealership and engaged the salesperson. During the experience I time travelled back to my early adult years when I had bought used cars from a dealership. All my confidence fell to the wayside and I felt judged and inadequate and couldn’t find my voice to negotiate. But more importantly I realized that the world is not designed to honour our individual unique needs.
Despite how open, peaceful, and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you, as deeply as they've met themselves. This is the heart of clarity.” - Matt Kahn
After dealing with the finance manager (got triggered more) she said she would get back to me after submitting the financing application. I walked out of the dealership and felt good about the car I was wanting. However, I felt emotionally spent. I hit the brakes and brought some awareness to what had happened.
This brings me back to my emotional authority. It hit me that I am not designed to engage in a process that does not organically allow time for me to flow through my emotional wave. To put this into perspective, it can take 2+ weeks to come to a decision. I forgot to mention that my authority is mostly related to a process for making bigger decisions. Smaller decisions are more clear and easy for me. Due to many time restraints in this situation there was pressure to get a replacement car in a time frame that I am not designed to make decisions.
Back to the story. While I was waiting to hear back regarding financing, I took a deep breath and went to a couple more dealerships and was able to do this with a little more confidence. All the while, reflecting on how will I make this decision based on how I was feeling. I remembered that we / I also have secondary authorities that we can go to as well. Secondary authorities ( there are multiple) are like a back up way to make decisions. My secondary authority essentially gives me a yes / no and is related to a gut feeling. Others relate to intuition, heart, will, etc. I was able to use this gut knowing to make the only decision I could make in the moment. Which dealership feels like the right one for me to work with. Luckily that decision came easily. Shortly after that awareness, I received the call that my financing was approved. Immediately after this, I also had multiple signs that guided me to feeling confident about my choice of dealerships. However, what came next was more big decisions. Used car warranty $4000. Luckily, I had the week to research and ask questions and because of that found one that felt right for $1900. The day I went to pick up the car though, I was confronted with 3 more choices (without the benefit of knowing this was coming, which of course benefits the dealership and their commissions and not me) 3 different insurance coverages to cover me for various events (another $4000 in total) Luckily, I was reminded I was already pre-approved for all of these. Sigh. I decided to take 2/3, under pressure. Lastly, the insurance agent shared that I needed replacement coverage. Long story short, she wasn’t clear about what I was being asked to purchase and it was a $30/month additional cost. I thought it was part of my ICBC coverage but it was an additional policy provided by the insurance agency. So when I was asked to sign this unfamiliar paperwork, I immediately questioned what I was signing. The agent went red in the face and then my frustration surfaced. I realized that I had become overwhelmed again and it was time to hit the brakes. Based on these feelings I declined all the coverage being offered with the exception of the warranty that I had been able to research. I went back to the Finance Manager and she re-wrote the deal without all of the extra coverages. Despite feeling solid about my decision of which car to buy and where to buy it. I left the dealership with my nervous system activated and wasn’t able to feel excitement for my new purchase until a few hours later.
The gift of this experience is most definitely a new to me car that I am now super excited and happy about. The other gift is deeper understanding that relates to Human Design and how I have experience this world. I have tremendous compassion for the younger version of me was holding back the tears at the dentist office or in school and trying to be like everyone else who seemed to be okay with those experiences. I feel empowered in knowing that I am not meant to be like everyone else. I am meant to be me. It seems so simple but in order to embody that deep truth it requires reconciling years of conditioning and experiences. Human Design is helping me to understand myself in ways that honour my uniqueness and my tender heart. With this knowledge, I can more clearly advocate for myself and my needs. Which is no easy task in a world that is moving faster and faster. In this story all of the actors were likely motivated by their procedures, tactics, and desire for their share of the pie. Thankfully, the world is transforming and these ways of being won’t survive in the long term. But I will save that for another blog post.
If you’ve read this far. Thank You! It is my hope that if you are one of the 47% with emotional authority that you feel seen and heard. And if you are part of the 53% without this authority that you have a deeper understanding of those of us that are designed differently! Or at the very least an awareness that we are not all created equal.
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