Typically when we say "Yes" to something we are indicating agreement. When communicating with someone it can be difficult to hold a space of agreement depending upon what is being shared. There may be a values conflict or what is being shared may trigger a past experience that we have had. So how do we maintain presence for the speaker when we can't "be" with what is being shared?
This often shows up in our relationships with friends and loved ones, we struggle to listen without trying to fix them. The energy of fixing can show up in a few ways:
In order to be present, we need to give "Yes" a different definition. Instead of agreement, we re-define yes to include the following; Acceptance, Acknowledgement, Appreciation and Encouragement.
The power of "Yes" is about truly accepting what the other person is saying and sharing. We listen, without judgement or an energy of trying to fix or help the situation or bringing it back to ourselves or our story. We may say things like; "I really hear what you are saying" or "This must be hard for you" or "I can feel and hear how important this is to you" or "I can feel how much you care about______"
By creating a space of acceptance we are giving someone a voice and allowing them to be seen and heard with unconditional love. You are saying YES to things that you as the listener can't be with and saying NO to fears, personal judgement, expectations for self or past beliefs and experiences. This is about loving and accepting the person exactly where they are.
The Story of the Butterfly
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body, Neither happened! In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand: The restricting cocoon and the struggle required by the butterfly to get through the opening was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us. We will not be as strong as we could have been and we would never fly.
Creating space for yes; allows space for the struggle, and for the other person to bee seen and heard. This energy alone can allow the situation to shift without support or guidance from the listener. It creates space for the person to be naturally creative resourceful and whole and reach their own awareness which is ultimately more powerful.
3 Ways to Shift from "Me" to We in Relationships