I spent the majority of my life judging myself for being different than others. I saw the world very differently and had different interests. I also thought that I needed to be like others and tried to be like them. This resulted in a lot of inner conflict. I created beliefs and judgments from what I experienced externally. When I reflect back on my childhood, I can remember so many situations where I got into trouble for being me. I lived in a world where adults said things like "Why can't you be more like...."
I think being a parent is an area of my life which presents a deep opportunity for growth and awareness. I have been humbled by my mistakes and enlightened by the teaching that my kids have held for me. I deeply want the best for my kids and I also want to shield them from the pain that I experienced. I often held the belief that because I was older and had life experience, it gave me permission to impose my beliefs onto my children. This belief would often lead to conflict.
A true story about SH*# with an interesting twist. Specifically, this story is about other peoples dogs poo bags. This morning I was walking by the golf course and the Mamquam River and noticed a big bag of dog poo sitting at the side of the trail. I thought to myself; is it my responsibility to pick up that bag of poop and take it to the garbage can? I don't even own a dog, and what will people think as I walked back carrying someone else's bag of poo. Gotta love the constant dialogue of the inner critic. I must say that in other parts of Squamish, the bags of poo are hanging from trees like Christmas ornaments.
What if I told you that the key to being at peace in the world is within your reach? Do you want to unplug from all the drama that you experience or witness in your life? Do you want to understand your reactions to people or situations in your life? I know those questions sound a bit like a commercial is coming your way.... I promise that if you read on this article will contain the answers to set you free.
So first a little bit of teaching. Carl Jung first gave us the term "shadow" to refer to those parts of our personality that have been rejected out of fear, ignorance, shame or lack of love. His basic notion of the shadow was simple: "the shadow is the person you would rather not be" (excerpt from Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford) Here are some
Typically when we say "Yes" to something we are indicating agreement. When communicating with someone it can be difficult to hold a space of agreement depending upon what is being shared. There may be a values conflict or what is being shared may trigger a past experience that we have had. So how do we maintain presence for the speaker when we can't "be" with what is being shared?
Being accountable is about taking action towards your ability to respond (response-ability). I think we have all been there, in the heat of the moment we say or do something that we feel cannot be taken back. Swallowing your pride can be really difficult as can losing a friendship. On a deeper level our relationships serve as a "mirror" for personal growth. We continue to react to that mirror until we own what we are seeing in the mirror.
There is a burning desire / need within me that for the most part is going unmet. I apologize in advance, this might be a bit of an honest rant. The deal is, that I am totally human and perfectly imperfect. For example, in regards to this Blog post, my inner critic had a bit of a field day. Write it , don't write it. You are a hypocrite if you write that. You won't be teaching anything, it's just a rant. Back and forth.
Life can be messy and in those wonderful situations that life presents us there are always gifts that eventually present themselves. Your rocks, are those things that keep you anchored when things are tough. Your rocks are the things. you absolutely believe in, that can sometimes keep you stuck. Your rocks can represent your core needs.
As a man, it has been my experience that open and honest communication is something that doesn't come easily for most men. I am very grateful for the many pieces of learning and the experiences, which have allowed me to embrace the idea of being vulnerable and sharing my truth. However, without these skills, I often isolated myself in my thoughts and fears.