Lost at 40 (ish)

Lost at 40 (ish) happened for me, a few weeks before my 41st birthday. As a side note this can happen at 20 (ish) 30 (ish) etc. I had been on the path of personal growth and awareness for many years. At the time, I was working for Starbucks as a manager, I walked into the store like I had done so many times before, but this time was different. I experienced an intense feeling of anxiety in my heart and a deep knowing that I was done.... I could no longer continue on the path of working there; in an environment that I now know and understand, was completely overwhelming for my nervous system. I imagine that for others the only choice would have been to keep going, regardless of what my body was screaming. Luckily for me, in previous years I had been able to experience the contrast of following my heart vs. following a career.

So when the intense feeling came, I instantly knew what it meant. My next step was immediately going to the medical clinic which was two doors down. The clinic was usually full of people waiting to see a doctor and the waits were usually quite long. The clinic was empty... I went in to see the doctor immediately and not long after, I left with a note for 2 weeks away from work. What transpired after that was what I referred to as my "Stop Therapy". The doctor said that it was quite normal to have this type of experience at this phase of life. For me, I am grateful that it was an immediately answered wake up call. I imagine for others the phone keeps ringing and causes much pain, confusion, despair and powerlessness. I used my benefits to go see a counsellor and began to explore and review my life experiences and understand my childhood experiences. I slowed right down and took long walks in nature and for the first time truly stopped to reflect. Two weeks off, became months off of work and an experience that was a real turning point in my life. I went from making $60K + / yr to less than $20K /yr but I had found a profound level of happiness and freedom. Everyone jokes about the idea of a midlife crisis. I wonder though, if it's the souls way of getting our attention at a key time in life.

A few years later I experienced the next cycle of this transformation and embarked on a Hero's journey. ( I didn't know that at the time) This journey introduced me to Men's work and also led me towards a Men's initiation weekend that deeply awakened my connection to purpose and meaning. I now know that we are quite literally searching for a "lost" or "hidden" part of ourselves and the initiation / hero's journey helps us to reconnect and retrieve this lost part. This is what we are searching for / longing for. When I found this part it shifted the trajectory of my life. Now I support others on this journey!